The boulders of Texas have been oppressed for far too long and it is time to do something about it. For over a decade Hueco Tanks has been plagued by access issues and now it looks like climbing may be closed for good. That’s why today I am launching a campaign to free the boulders of Hueco Tanks!
The plan is this: organize a large mass of people and roll the boulders north out of Hueco Tanks State Park. Roll them straight out of Texas, across the state line, and into New Mexico. Travelling distance to the state line is approximately ten miles. Plus another few to head east off the military base. That’s it. The boulders will be free!
Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Roll boulders? But those things must weight thousands of pounds!” Oh yeah, well what did the pyramids weigh? If they can build those we can certainly move a few measily boulders a few miles. Come on people. Don’t be a bunch of naysayers. We need manpower and womanpower and childpower. And maybe a couple of elephants for elephantpower. And lots of rope. Or chain. Maybe a couple of large steel pipes, for leverage.
We’ll start off small. At the top so that we can roll them down the mountain. Save the bigger ones for last – like Mushroom boulder. But enough people on that one side and we’ll have that thing pushed over and rolling like a log. The sooner we get those rocks out of Texas the sooner we’ll be able to climb them free of Lone Star State Park opression!
I propose we designate a group to survey the area over Spring Break and report back with logistics.